Challenges/Change
I wake up. All around me, a scenery of palm trees and exotic plants. Sweat has become a permanent second layer on my skin. Even after 8 months of living in a tropical country, my body still has to do a lot of accustoming.
Going abroad on exchange was one of the biggest challenges for me. The crazy thing is that with time you can get used to pretty much everything.
It feels weird holding a euro now, my hands are used to the feel of the slightly bigger colones coin.
Being on exchange means packing the essence of your life into a suitcase while simultaneously leaving half of it behind. I packed my favorite pants, and left picture frames of my graduation. Things that were so essential and important to me had to be left behind. Things I thought I needed. Yet now, I have found a bunch of other important things here in this new place, and it turns out I never needed those picture frames anyways.
Maybe for a person with anxiety they were just a way of rooting in place. Some kind of safety. Even if the moment is over,, the momento remains.
But involuntarily, i also found myself packing anxiety. Anxiety is the raincoat that I carry around everywhere, that I wear for every season. Because just because it's not raining now doesn't mean it might not later: I way these words while looking at Costa Ricas clearblue no-cloud palmtree skies.
But even though i packed anxiety, it has become smaller now. Quiter. If it used to be the roaring thunder outside my window, loudly announcing how far away was the next lightning strike, it is now the conch I hold to my ear to hear the faraway oceans. When it used to be the lucid dream I seemed to be stuck in day and night, it is now a silent movie I watch through the television, almost as of watching someone else.
Going abroad on exchange was one of the biggest challenges for me. The crazy thing is that with time you can get used to pretty much everything.
It feels weird holding a euro now, my hands are used to the feel of the slightly bigger colones coin.
Being on exchange means packing the essence of your life into a suitcase while simultaneously leaving half of it behind. I packed my favorite pants, and left picture frames of my graduation. Things that were so essential and important to me had to be left behind. Things I thought I needed. Yet now, I have found a bunch of other important things here in this new place, and it turns out I never needed those picture frames anyways.
Maybe for a person with anxiety they were just a way of rooting in place. Some kind of safety. Even if the moment is over,, the momento remains.
But involuntarily, i also found myself packing anxiety. Anxiety is the raincoat that I carry around everywhere, that I wear for every season. Because just because it's not raining now doesn't mean it might not later: I way these words while looking at Costa Ricas clearblue no-cloud palmtree skies.
But even though i packed anxiety, it has become smaller now. Quiter. If it used to be the roaring thunder outside my window, loudly announcing how far away was the next lightning strike, it is now the conch I hold to my ear to hear the faraway oceans. When it used to be the lucid dream I seemed to be stuck in day and night, it is now a silent movie I watch through the television, almost as of watching someone else.
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